7 Actionable Steps To Break Free From Domestic Financial Abuse

Why doesn´t she just leave?” I asked myself for the ninth time that evening while thinking about Francia, a dear friend of mine who was struggling in a domestic financial abusive relationship. This is one of the most addressed questions that non victim moms ask when domestic abuse is the topic. And there is a powerful reason beneath it.

Why doesn´t she just leave? Financial abuse is one of the reasons

When we ask “why”, it is because we cannot understand the motivation a mom has to keep in this so obviously harmful situation—at least obvious to us. Would it be that we ask from our judgmental self? Sometimes our why is hiding something like “she deserves it because she doesn´t want to leave”, which is a terrible and unfair approach.

The truth is that no one ever wants or deserves to be in an abusive relationship and any mom can be a victim of it since domestic financial abuse doesn´t discriminate. Anyone can fall into the hands of an abuser, and because they are very good at making you believe what they want, you may come to believe that your lifestyle—with zero or minimum control over the household money—is completely typical, when it is not.

The reasons why the victim doesn´t leave are diverse. They often include weak and depressed psychological and emotional state of the victim—mainly caused by her abuser; and the lack of financial self-sufficiency.

Without money and resources to make a living, feeling insecure about their ability to support themselves and their children it is even much difficult to attempt to leave their abuser. However, there are a many actionable steps every victim mom can take in order to break free from domestic financial abuse.

I am sharing the top 7 steps you may want to tell any victim of domestic financial abuse, the next time you are guessing why doesn´t she just leave?, in order to equip her for taking that huge step into freedom.

7 Actionable Steps To Break Free From Domestic Financial Abuse

7 Actionable steps to break free from domestic financial abuse

Recognize there is a problem. The first step that lead to any kind of honest and lasting changes in our life is recognizing a change is needed. You need to know the signs for domestic financial abuse in order to recognize if you are a victim. Realizing that you´re being victim of some type of abuse is difficult and you´ll need to understand and accept that you cannot break free from this without help. And there is where the change really begin to take place.

Seek for professional help. As the perpetrator has built a trap for you, a smart step to take is seeking for professional help. A financial abuse advocate or an organization with experience in domestic financial abuse may guide you to grow from wherever it is you are. It is probable you don´t trust anyone or even yourself because the abuser may had destroyed your sense of strength and resilience. Professional help will add you the value of understanding the victim´s side and will help you overcome financial abuse in a fast way and shorter period of time.

Understand domestic financial abuse. You would want to study to learn and understand your situation. It is really important that you get to know what is happening to you. Start unveiling what is financial abuse, what the signs are and different strategies the abuser can use, what financial abusers are like, how to prevent domestic financial abuse, and how to get out of that disadvantaged situation.

Seek for legal help. Legal help is a very smart step to take. No matter how much you think you know, if you are not a lawyer who specializes in domestic financial abuse or domestic violence, you´ll need some legal advice. Knowing the legal rights a mom has when facing and abusive situation, and understanding how to use the law on your behalf can make a huge difference in your current and future life in the pursue of financial self-sufficiency. For legal services call the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence tall free line at 1-800-537-2238. They will provide you with a list of legal professionals in your area that may help you with no cost.

Build a financial plan. Having a financial plan is crucial for moms like you to be able not only to leave, but to stay away of the toxic relationship, since lack of financial self-sufficiency is the major factor why survivors go back to an abusive relationship.

Building a financial plan requires that you evaluate your finances literacy level and confidence in order to understand how close or far you are from a good financial management. In case you don´t feel confident enough, you could study a little about the basics of finances. Also you´ll need to gain information about your assets and liabilities, and start saving some money aside in a safe place your partner can´t access. Save until you have enough money to leave.

Plan to leave. Once, you have contacted professional help, and you know to what degree you´ve been abused, your rights, and you have a financial plan in order to help you recover from a separation and be able to survive for the first days or weeks, it is time to plan to leave. It is important to identify where to go. It can be a relative´s place, a shelter, or any other safe place you can move when needed.

The important is to know exactly where you will be heading to when you leave and who will pay for your food, and medicine, and transportation. It is also important to consider some safety tips because abusers tend to go for their spouses once they have gained the courage to leave them, therefore it is crucial that you delete your traces in order he cannot find you.

Call the emergency line. Taking these steps will walk you to break free from domestic financial abuse, however, if you feel you are in danger and you will not be able to complete all the steps without rushing, call the National Domestic Violence toll free Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or access their web.

One important thing to note is that there is hope. Financial abuse—as other forms of domestic abuse—doesn´t happen because of the victim. You are not responsible for what he has done. There is nothing wrong with you, and you´ll need to step up for yourself to be able to overcome this undesirable situation.

These actionable steps may seem like a lot of work to be done, however it will be worth it because you deserve better. You are better than that and it is worth the effort in exchange for the financial self-sufficiency and happiness you and your children will achieve in your life.

I consider these steps the top actionable ways to support financially abused victims moms.

Now that you know that leaving is not that easy, what new perspective have you gained about what it’s like to break free from domestic financial abuse?

25 thoughts on “7 Actionable Steps To Break Free From Domestic Financial Abuse

  1. I am so happy to be in a loving relationship. I can’t even imagine how hard it is to leave in an abusive one and how brave you have to be to break free. I’m so happy to hear there are options to help you do so. I think more people should read this.

    • I am happy for you too Cristina. A loving relationship is a precious gift to have and tresure, I hope you keep enjoying it.

  2. This is a problem that most stay-at-home moms face. Since the husband is the sole breadwinner of the family, the husband believes that he has control over everything and this sometimes may even lead to physical abuse. It’s difficult to do away with the stigma that being a stay-at-home mom is not a job. It’s actually the toughest job on the planet because it is a 24/7 job and moms are never paid a single cent. I hope this an eye-opener for moms out there who are in this situation. You deserve more.

  3. Many women are suffering from this and it pains me to think about what they’re going through. I think it’s really important that you understand the issue and learn more about it.

  4. I’ve never experienced this before but I know there are women who do and it’s a terrible way to live life. It’s really important to know when to take action and how to get out of it all.

  5. I have been the victim, myself – and so has my husband. Before we got together, we both were trapped in relationships where we were the ONLY wage earner – and our spouses, somehow, managed to control all the money. I remember when I told my ex I was leaving. His first response was “How? I have all the money?” He didn’t know about the credit card I had taken out for myself. I bought a plane ticket for my kids (not his) and myself and left. I’ll never forget the shock on his face when I was walking out the door with an escort, plane tickets, and a credit card. It’s so hard to recognize when you are in the throws of abuse, though.

    • You are a warrior. I’m glad that you and your husband went got out of that harmful trap. It takes courage, determination, patient and a remarkable resilience to take the steps out of it. Sending sweet hugs to your way.

  6. Thanks for speaking out about this! It is sort of a touchy subject for some so I think it was very brave to write this. In college I knew many people dealing with this who were afraid to ask for help. These are great steps, thanks for sharing!

  7. The scary thing is that my marriage with my ex probably had at least 10 to 15 of them that she did while I was married to her. Although she was abusive in so many different ways I cannot even say. It was stupid for staying but religious conviction kept me there even when I knew things were very wrong.

  8. Finances can be such a scary thing especially if you don’t feel like you can leave a relationship because you get dependent on the other’s income. This is some very great advice.

  9. Thank you for creating this very important guide and resource. I had a friend who went through financial abuse and it was very difficult for her to first break ties and then find the resources to gain the freedom she needed.

  10. Sometimes the abuse is just part of the equation. The other part usually involves kids and the ability to support oneself and the kids if she tries to leave. I think hat recognizing the relationship is toxic and having a plan to leave are great advice because you don’t want to leave and then crawling back to the abuser if you can’t make it on your own.

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